Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Quotes

• Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

• Providence protects children and idiots. I know because I have tested it.

• I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.

• What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.

• Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

• One of the striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

• What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.

• Of all the animals, man is the only one that lies.

• There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press.

• I do not like work even when someone else does it.

• When the human race has once acquired a supersitition nothing short of death is ever likely to remove it.

• Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.

• Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

• Everyone is a moon and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.

• A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother.

• The reason why truth is so much stranger than fiction is that there is no requirement for it to be consistent.

• Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

• Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

• It ain't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

• It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.