Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Quotes

• I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

• I can live for two months on a good compliment.

• I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

• I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

• I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -- you see, I have friends in both places.

• I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

• I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.

• Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.

• If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.

• I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

• If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

• India has 2,000,000 gods, and worships them all. In religion, other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire.

• It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.

• It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

• It is by the goodness of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.

• It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare.

• Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

• Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

• Life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages.

• Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.