Woody Allen (b. 1935)

Quotes

• Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

• Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

• The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

• I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

• It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.

• I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

• More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

• I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.

• Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

• It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better, while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

• When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

• I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.

• Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

• My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

• To <b>you</b> I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

• I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

• The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.

• Last night I discovered a new form of oral contraceptive. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said no.

• I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

• Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.