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Quotes

• Economists are people who work with numbers but who don't have the personality to be accountants.

• Mahatma Gandi was what wives wish their husbands were: thin, tan and moral.

• Psychiatry is the care of the id by the odd.

• If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.

• Never argue with a fool. Listeners can't tell which is which.

• This life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual life, you would have received further instructions as to what to do and where to go.

• On Thanksgiving Day all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment - halftime.

• Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open.

• A novel is a piece of prose of a certain length with something wrong with it.

• In every fat book there is a thin book trying to get out.

• Socrates seems to be the philosophical napkin with which the ensuing cultural thinkers of history wipe their mouths of pedantic ooze.

• Any new venture goes through the following stages: enthusiasm, complication, disillusionment, search for the guilty, punishment of the innocent, and decoration of those who did nothing.

• Adolescence is the stage between infancy and adultery.

• How to win a case in court: If the law is on your side, pound on the law; if the facts are on your side, pound on the facts; if neither is on your side, pound on the table.

• Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

• Teach children to be polite and courteous in the home, and, when he grows up, he will never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.

• Lie: A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date.

• It is twice as hard to crush a half-truth as a whole lie.

• Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty.

• Never make anything simple and efficient when a way can be found to make it complex and wonderful.