Ogden Nash

Quotes

When there are monsters there are miracles.
Sometimes with secret pride I sigh,
To think how tolerant am I;
Then wonder which is really mine:
Tolerance, or a rubber spine?
I think that I shall never see
a billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all.
People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.
Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.
I drink because she nags, he said
I nag because he drinks.
But if the truth be known to you,
He's a lush and she's a shrew.
Nietsche is Pietsche."
Progress might have been all right once but it has gone on too long.
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny -
Did you ever try buying them without money?
The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks
Which practically conceal its sex.
I think it clever of the turtle
In such a fix to be so fertile.
He without benefit of scruples His fun and money soon quadruples.
People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it.
Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for.
Candy
Is dandy
But liquor
Is quicker.
The Pig, if I am not mistaken,
Supplies us sausage, ham, and Bacon.
Let others say his heart is big,
I think it stupid of the Pig.
The Preacher, the Politicain, the Teacher,
Were each of them once a kiddie.
A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature.
Do I want one? God Forbiddie!
Progress might have been all right once, but it went on too long.
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
And that's what parents were created for.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets.
Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.