Ogden Nash (1902-1971)

Quotes

• When there are monsters there are miracles.

• Sometimes with secret pride I sigh,
  To think how tolerant am I;
  Then wonder which is really mine:
  Tolerance, or a rubber spine?

• I think that I shall never see
  a billboard lovely as a tree.
  Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
  I'll never see a tree at all.

• People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.

• Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long.

• People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

• Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.

• Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.

• I drink because she nags, he said
  I nag because he drinks.
  But if the truth be known to you,
  He's a lush and she's a shrew.

• Nietsche is Pietsche."

• Progress might have been all right once but it has gone on too long.

• Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny -
  Did you ever try buying them without money?

• The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks
  Which practically conceal its sex.
  I think it clever of the turtle
  In such a fix to be so fertile.

• He without benefit of scruples His fun and money soon quadruples.

• People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it.

• Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for.

• Candy
  Is dandy
  But liquor
  Is quicker.

• The Pig, if I am not mistaken,
  Supplies us sausage, ham, and Bacon.
  Let others say his heart is big,
  I think it stupid of the Pig.

• The Preacher, the Politicain, the Teacher,
  Were each of them once a kiddie.
  A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature.
  Do I want one? God Forbiddie!

• Progress might have been all right once, but it went on too long.