Matt Groening (b. 1954)

Quotes

• There's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.

• Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.

• You know, the courts may not be working any more, but as long as everyone is videotaping everyone else, justice will be done.

• Romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.

• I'm a level 5 vegan, I don't eat anything that casts a shadow.

• You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

• Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.

• You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity.

• Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.

• Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life be without it?

• All right, brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.

• To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

• What if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.

• Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

• Good things don't end in 'eum,' they end in 'mania'...or 'teria'.

• I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!

• I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.

• If it doesn't have Siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair.

• If something is too hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV.

• Warning signs that lover is bored:
  1. Passionless kisses
  2. Frequent sighing
  3. Moved, left no forwarding address.