Groucho Marx (1890-1977)

Quotes

• Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

• She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

• I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.

• Love goes out the door when money comes innuendo.

• A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

• I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

• Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

• I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

• Here's to our girlfriends and wives; may they never meet!

• I have nothing but confidence in you. And very little of that.

• I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

• Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

• From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

• Women should be obscene and not heard.

• Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

• Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men. The other 999 follow women.

• Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

• I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

• Anyone can get old, all you have to do is live long enough.

• Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read.