Doug Larson

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three - and paradise is when you have none.

Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.

The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.

Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.

The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.

Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.

The reason people blame things on previous generations is that there's only one other choice.

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.

Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enought to know they were impossible.

What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living.

If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.

If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.

The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.

Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.