Wilson Mizner

A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something.

Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

God help those who do not help themselves.

Always be nice to people on the way up; because you'll meet the same people on the way down.

I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

The worst-tempered people I've ever met were the people who knew they were wrong.

Life is a tough proposition and the first hundred years are the hardest.

I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your effort to believe it.

I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you and education.

Some of the greatest love affairs I've known have involved one actor - unassisted.

Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.

The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.

Over in Hollywood they almost made a great picture, but they caught it in time.

If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research.

Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest.