Emo Phillips (b. 1956)

Quotes

• Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.

• My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

• Weh I was a kid I prayed every night for a bike until I figured out that that's not the way that God works, so I stole a bike and then asked him for forgiveness.

• People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"

• I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.

• I like to play chess with old men in the park. But it's so hard to find 32 of them.

• At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

• Women! Ya can't live with 'em and ya can't get 'em to wear skimpy little Nazi outfits.

• I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

• Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.