Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)

Quotes

• I really can't come to your party Mrs. Parker, I can't bear fools."
  That's strange; your mother could.

• Trapped, like a trap in a trap.

• Famous actress bragging about her husband: Look at him, isn't he beautiful I have kept him for seven years now"
  Dorothy Parker: Don't Worry--he'll come back in style"

• That woman speaks eighteen languages and can't say "No" in any of them.

• The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of the tires.

• The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

• If all these sweet young things were laid end to end, I wouldn't be the slightest bit suprised.

• The affair between Margot Asquith and Margot Asquith will live as one of the prettiest love stories in all literature.

• My land is bare of chattering folk;
  the clouds are low along the ridges,
  and sweet's the air with curly smoke
  from all my burning bridges.

• Ducking for apples - change one letter and it's the story of my life.

• Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.

• I went to a convent in New York and was fired finally for my insistence that the Immaculate Conception was spontaneous combustion.

• Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
  A medley of extemporanea;
  And love is thing that can never go wrong;
  And I am Marie of Romania.

• Scratch an actor - and you'll find an actress.

• I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

• The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires.

• She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.

• Men seldom make passes
  At girls who wear glasses.

• You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make her think.

• Guns aren't lawful; nooses give; gas smells awful. So you might as well live.