Quote by Joan Rivers (1933-2014)

• I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

• I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ``Get the hell off my property.''

• If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

• I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

• A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

• I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.