Quote by Joan Rivers (1933-2014)

• I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ``Get the hell off my property.''

• I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.

• If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

• I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

• There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

• I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.