Quote by George Carlin (1937-2008)

• Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

• Think of a person of average intelligence, and then realise half of the fucking country is more stupid than that idiot.

• Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

• As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

• I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

• I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don't have as many people who believe it.