My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. — Rodney Dangerfield. American stand-up comedian (1921–2004)
Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
I'm at an age where I think more about food than sex. Last week I put a mirror over my dining room table.