I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later. — Mitch Hedberg. American stand-up comedian (1968–2005)
I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
You know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.
I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say 'Mitch,' and I say 'what?' and turn my head slightly.