Robert Orben

These detective series on TV always end at precisely the right moment-after the criminal is arrested and before the court turns him loose.

Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.

Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected.

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral.