Johnny Carson (1925-2005)

Quotes

• I knew a man who gave up smoking, drinking, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

• For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

• Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair.

• A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry - that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three-Mile Island.

• Blow in it's ear.

• The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars."

• Who could follow Carson? Well, believe me, somebody can - and will.

• I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

• Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.

• People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

• The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

• If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

• My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

• If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

• Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

• For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

• If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

• I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.

• The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.

• Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are you ready?'