Quote by Johnny Carson (1925-2005)

• If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

• The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

• Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.

• If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

• People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

• Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.