Bob Hope

I don't know if the presidential candidates are running for the White House or Animal House.

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

I don't generally feel anything until noon; then it's time for my nap.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around the middle.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.