Quote by Henny Youngman (1906-1998)

• I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in.

• I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

• I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

• All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.

• I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

• If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.