Quote by Julie A., M.A. Ross and Judy Corcoran

• When you own or take responsibility for your feelings, you place yourself in a position of power and control.

• When you understand that your feelings are triggered by what you think about an event and not by the event itself, you gain a measure of control. Although you cannot control the things (events) that happen to you, or change your feelings (after all, you feel the way you feel), you can change your thoughts. A change in thoughts often radically alters your feelings.

• If you continue to expend your energy trying to change things that don’t really matter in the long run or that are not within your sphere of influence, you’ll wind up exhausted and frustrated, with no positive results to show for your effort.

• When you get angry at your ex, only about 10 percent of your anger can be attributed to the current situation. The other 90 percent comes from your past experiences with your ex, as well as those with your parents, caregivers, and other significant people in your past. The current situation has simply triggered your past anger and allowed it to resurface. It’s been said that if you’re hysterical, the cause is probably historical.

• Taking responsibility gives us power and control, because when we recognize the relationship between our choices and their consequences, then the next time we don’t like a consequence we can make a different choice.

• Ruminating about the past is like trying to drive backward to undo a car accident.