What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid-gold baby? Maybe we'll never know. — Jack Handey. American humorist and writer (born 1949) Jack Handey
I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.
To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, 'Hey, can you give me a hand?,' you can say, 'Sorry, got these sacks.'
It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared rabbit. Maybe it was like an angry rabbit, who was going to fight in another fight, away from the first fight.
Playing dead not only comes in handy when face to face with a bear, but also at important business meetings.
Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room, talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.