Quote by Jay Leno (b. 1950)

• The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

• Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

• How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?

• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.

• You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh - it's as simple as that.

• The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.