Quote by Jay Leno (b. 1950)

• Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

• The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

• The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

• How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?

• You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh - it's as simple as that.

• I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good…Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder.