I think that a hat which has a little cannon that fires and then goes back inside the hat is at least a decade away. — Jack Handey. American humorist and writer (born 1949) Jack Handey
Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room, talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.
I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.
It makes me mad when people say I turned and ran like a scared rabbit. Maybe it was like an angry rabbit, who was going to fight in another fight, away from the first fight.
Playing dead not only comes in handy when face to face with a bear, but also at important business meetings.
To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, 'Hey, can you give me a hand?,' you can say, 'Sorry, got these sacks.'