Quote by Eddie Izzard (b. 1962)

• We know the people with techno-fear. They're there, on the computer, going; What... oh... oh... I... I've wiped the file? Oh damn. What... I've wiped all the files?? I've wiped the internet?!? Oh no... I don't even have a modem!

• The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

• I like my women like I like my coffee. In a plastic cup.

• If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death.