Eddie Izzard

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death.

The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

I like my women like I like my coffee. In a plastic cup.

We know the people with techno-fear. They're there, on the computer, going; What... oh... oh... I... I've wiped the file? Oh damn. What... I've wiped all the files?? I've wiped the internet?!? Oh no... I don't even have a modem!