Quote by Woody Allen (b. 1935)

• Don't knock masturbation; it's sex with someone I love.

• I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

• If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.

• The good thing about being bisexual is that it doubles your chance of a date on a Saturday night.

• Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.

• I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.