Quote by Fred Allen (1894-1956)

• A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

• I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.

• I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

• A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.

• Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns -- he should be drawn and quoted.

• California is a fine place to live--if you happen to be an orange.