Quote by Rita Rudner (b. 1953)

• Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them.

• I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

• I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

• My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

• My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

• I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.