Stanislaw J. Lec

Do not ask God the way to heaven; he will show you the hardest one.

No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.

I am against using death as a punishment. I am also against using it as a reward.

If you are not a psychiatrist, stay away from idiots. They are too stupid to pay a layman for his company.

You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

Thoughts, like fleas, jump from man to man, but they don't bite everybody.

The consumer's side of the coffin lid is never ostentatious.

Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's; and unto God the things that are God's; and unto human beings, what?

Each snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty.

Never lie when the truth is more profitable.

People find life entirely too time-consuming.

All is in the hands of man. Therefore wash them often.

The first condition of immortality is death.

There are grammatical errors even in his silence.

Advice to writers: Sometimes you just have to stop writing. Even before you begin.