Kin Hubbard

Everything comes to him who waits but a loaned book.

Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.

Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.

Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.

Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought.

There is plenty of peace in any home where the family doesn't make the mistake of trying to get together.

So far I haven't heard of anybody who wants to stop living on account of the cost.

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before.

Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has travelled is the worst.

Never get married while you're going to college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake.

When you consider what a chance women have to poison their husbands, it's a wonder there isn't more of it done.

A woman will buy anything she thinks the store is losing money on.

The only time some fellows are ever seen with their wives is after they've been indicted.

When someone says, 'It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing', it's the money.

Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation.

There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.