Homer Simpson (b. 1956)

Quotes

• Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers.

• Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what seperates us from the animals. Except the weasels.

• I didn't lie--I was writing fiction in my mouth.

• You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

• I'm just trying to get in, it's not like I'm running for Jesus.

• Alchohol, the cause of and the solution to all the world's problems.

• Trying is the first step towards failure.

• No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed.

• I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!

• Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

• Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.

• The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

• Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.

• I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'

• When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie -- Police Academy.

• Look, all I'm saying is, if these big stars didn't want people going through their garbage and saying they're gay, then they shouldn't have tried to express themselves creatively.

• English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

• If he's so smart, how come he's dead?

• Haven't you learned anything from that guy that gives those sermons in church? Captain What's-his-name. We live in a society of laws, why do you think I took you to see all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughing! Did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Vroom! Beep! Honk! Honk! Ha-ha. Where was I? Oh yeah, stay out of my booze!

• I've got more trophies than Wayne Gretzky & The Pope combined!