Frank Zappa

There is more stupidity then hydrogen in the universe and it has a longer shelf life.

Everybody believes in something and everybody, by virtue of the fact that they believe in something, use that something to support their own existence.

If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to a library.

My best advice to anyone who wants to raise a happy, mentally healthy child is: Keep him or her as far away from a church as you can.

I think it is good that books still exist, but they make me sleepy.

There are more love songs than anything else. If songs could make you do something we'd all love one another.

I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.

Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.

Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.

Rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read.

In the fight between you and the world, back the world.

Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.

Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say that there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.

If we were the Monkees, we'd be ready by now.

A composer is a guy who goes around forcing his will on unsuspecting air molecules, often with the assistance of unsuspecting musicians.

Fact of the matter is, there is no hip world, there is no straight world. There's a world, you see, which has people in it who believe in a variety of different things. Everybody believes in something and everybody, by virtue of the fact that they believe in something, use that something to support their own existence.

Stupidity has a certain charm - ignorance does not.

Drop out of school before your mind rots from our mediocre educational system.

I'll give you a simple formula for straightening out the problems of the United States. First, you tax the churches. You take the tax off of capital gains and the tax off of savings. You decriminalize all drugs and tax them same way as you do alcohol. You decriminalize prostitution. You make gambling legal. That will put the budget back on the road to recovery, and you'll have plenty of tax revenue coming in for all of your social programs, and to run the army.

I'm interested in the capitalistic way of life, and the reason I like it better than anything else I've seen so far is because competition produces results. Every socialistic type of government where the State theoretically owns everything, and everybody does their little part to help the State, inevitably produces bad art, it produces social inertia, it produces really unhappy people, and it is more repressive than any other kind of government.

If you want to get laid, go to college, but if you want an education, go to the library.

The function of government ought to be: make sure you have good water to drink, somebody picking up the garbage, good roads to drive on, enough electricity to turn your light bulbs and your record player on, and whatever smaller amounts of regulatory assistance is necessary to make this society work.