Earl Wilson

Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.

If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Women's liberation will not be achieved until a woman can become paunchy and bald and still think that she's attractive to the opposite sex.

My idea of courage is the guy who has $500,000 tied up in the stock market and turns to the box scores first!

Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.