Quote by Lemony Snicket (b. 1970)

• If you were going to give a medal to the least delightful person on Earth, you would have to give that medal to a person named Carmelita Spats, and if you didn't give it to her, Carmelita Spats was the sort of person who would snatch it from your hands anyway.

• Taking one's chances is like taking a bath, because sometimes you end up feeling comfortable and warm, and sometimes there is something terrible lurking around that you cannot see until it is too late and you can do nothing else but scream and cling to a plastic duck.

• Having a personal philosophy is like having a pet marmoset, because it may be very attractive when you acquire it, but there may be situations when it will not come in handy at all.

• No matter who you are, no matter where you live, and no matter how many people are chasing you, what you don't read is often as important as what you do read.

• If you are interested in stories with happy endings you would be better off reading some other book.

• Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree what they are made of, where they come from, or how often the should appear.