Terry Pratchett (1948-2015)

Quotes

• Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

• An education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

• A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.

• It could not be happening because this sort of thing did not happen. Any contradictory evidence could be safely ignored.

• Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.

• "I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
  Death thought about it.
  "Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."

• The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

• For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

• Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.

• Stupid men are often capable of things the clever would not dare to contemplate...

• The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the citadel. This is essentially the basis of all military thinking.

• It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.

• [The pamphlet] was very patriotic. That is, it talked about killing foreigners.

• What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: "Why is it so dark in here?"

• A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.

• Bishops move diagonally. That's why they often turn up where the kings don't expect them to be.

• Sometimes glass glitters more than diamonds because it has more to prove.

• Revolutions always come around again. That's why they're called revolutions.

• Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant "idiot".

• Sham Harga had run a succesful eatery for many years by always smiling, never extending credit, and realizing that most of his customers wanted meals properly balanced between the four food groups: sugar, starch, grease, and burnt crunchy bits.