Jules Feiffer

Be warned against all 'good' advice because 'good' advice is necessarily 'safe' advice, and though it will undoubtedly follow a sane pattern, it will very likely lead one into total sterility--one of the crushing problems of our time.

Maturity is only a short break in adolescence.

Artists can color the sky red because they know it's blue. Those of us who aren't artists must color things the way they really are or people might think we're stupid.

I used to think I was poor. Then they told me I wasn't poor, I was needy. Then they told me it was self-defeating to think of myself as needy. I was deprived. (Oh not deprived but rather underprivileged) Then they told me that underprivileged was overused. I was disadvantaged. I still don't have a dime. But I have a great vocabulary.

I grew up to have my father's looks - my fathers speech patterns - my father's posture - my father's walk - my father's opinions and my mother's contempt for my father.

Getting out of bed in the morning is an act of false confidence.

The big mistake that men make is that when they turn thirteen or fourteen, and all of a sudden they've reached puberty, they believe that they like women. Actually, you're just horny. It doesn't mean that you like women any more at twenty-one than you did at ten.

Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them?

At sixteen I was stupid, confused, insecure and indecisive. At twenty-five I was wise, self- confident, prepossessing and assertive. At forty-five I am stupid, confused, insecure and indecisive. Who would have supposed that maturity is only a short break in adolescence?