Brendan Behan

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men and women warmer in the winter, and happier in the summer.

Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.

If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.

There is no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary.

I have never seen a situation so dismal that a policeman couldn't make it worse.

Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis.

When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how its done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.

He was born an Englishman and remained one for years.

I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.