Bill Cosby

The very first law in advertising is to avoid the concrete promise and cultivate the delightfully vague.

Sigmund Freud once said, "What do women want?" The only thing I have learned in fifty-two years is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that.

One of the great mistakes that can be made by a man of my age is to get involved in athletic competition with children--unless, of course, they are under six. And even then, stay away from hide-and-seek.

If you can find humor in anything, you can survive it.

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

I really do plan to get out of show business within five years or so.

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.

Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap on-a-rope.

A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

When you become senile, you won't know it.

Advertising is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

Anyone can dabble, but once you've made that commitment, your blood has that particular thing in it, and it's very hard for people to stop you.

Children today know more about sex than I or my father did.

I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.

Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.

The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.

The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.