Author Unknown

They say love is around every corner. I must be walking in circles.

We give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.

Who does not thank for little will not thank for much.

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

For those who believe, no explanation is necessary. For those who do not believe, no explanation is possible.

The biggest risk is not taking one.

Someone doing it often interrupts the person saying it cannot be done.

Courage is the most beautiful kind of madness.

When I read about the evils of drinking I gave up reading.

Why are people's "deepest desires" always so shallow?

There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.

You're entitled to your own opinion, but not your own facts.

Of course the meek will inherit the earth, what, did you think they'd take it by force?

Can't live with 'em. Can't legally torture them to death.

Socialism: An attempt to curb the destructive power of monopolies by creating the biggest one of all.

My goal is to someday be the person my dog thinks I am.

Civilized people need love for full sexual satisfaction.

Remember when safe sex meant not getting caught?

Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.

If everybody's thinking alike, somebody isn't thinking.

Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.

Better to die on your feet than live on your knees.

If investments are keeping you awake at night, sell down to the sleeping point.

Stupid people surround themselves with smart people. Smart people surround themselves with smart people who disagree with them.

Principles only mean something when you stick to them when its inconvenient.

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead.

Love is a verb.

Home is where you come when you run out of places.

The truth is always a trick to those who live among lies.

God gave us two ends. One to sit on and one to think with. Success depends on which one you use; head you win, tail, you lose.

People have a way of becoming what you encourage them to be, not what you nag them to be.

You don't have to stay up nights to succeed; you have to stay awake days.

Sometimes the majority just means all the idiots are on the same side.

There is no 'I' in 'team.'

Pain is just weakness leaving the body.

A man doesnt want a child he is a dead beat dad. A woman doesnt want a child she is pro choice.

Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.

Enjoy your job, make lots of money, work within the law. Choose any two.

If you can speak three languages you're trilingual. If you can speak two languages you're bilingual. If you can speak only one language you're an American.

Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls. Intelligence is not trying.

Some people use language to express thought, some to conceal thought, and others instead of thought.